ASHES.
This season has been a season marked by change and a heavy dose of loneliness, sadness, and some bitterness in there too. There are so many reasons (including the most amazing support system) for me to feel joy, yet most nights end in tears. I say this hesitantly because I know there are so many people that love me fiercely and don't want to see me hurting, but the fact of the matter is, we all go through seasons of mourning and that is okay. Mama said ther'ed be days like these.
I am so tempted to hide behind a mask in fear the people I love will be sadened by my sadness. But can we all just admit that we all have seasons marked by big emotions? I mean if there's one thing we can agree on from a united front, all across the board, is that sometimes life feels really heavy.
So the heart of the matter is, no matter who we are or how positive we believe we are, we will come against waves that will take us out. In our little lives, I have seen first hand what shaky finances and new environments can do to a mama like me. I'll give you a hint....isolation.
In isolation the enemy has us right where he wants us in quiet desperation. Key word here being quiet. When we hide in fear of judgment or vulnerability, we open a door to Satan to come in, take off his shoes, and stay awhile. One bad thought leads to more destructive thoughts until we can't stand the perception we've crafted of ourselves. We see ourselves marked with our flaws instead of perfectly clothed in grace. We believe the LIE that if people really knew us for all we were and all we weren't that we would be taken out with the garbage.
If you're anything like me when someone comes to you spewing self hate or whispering words of unworthyness you are so quick to counter it with the truth that they are PERFECTLY and wonderfully made.
But maybe it's time to change the conversation. Maybe we should meet the person in their pain and not try and fix it. Cry with them and not be afraid to feel big feels. Speak truth in love over their lives by simply holding them. I think we as a society get so uncomfortable with emotions that we patch it up and move on. But why tackle an amateur patch job when we have a Father who is not only a seamstress of broken pieces but a HEALER of broken bones.
So tonight I ask you to come out of hiding and into the LIGHT. When we stop hiding in the darkness, the big scary stuff that once made us tremble with fear suddenly doesn't seem so heavy. When we dare to get dressed and go form meaningful friendships, we slowly but surely send a message to Satan to put his shoes back on and hit the road, Jack.
If you're not convinced, let me share one more story. This morning I showed up to church hopeful but not expectant, hiding behind a hurting heart and a mind that looked at all the people who had it all together and wished I could get back to the old me. The fun me, the joyful me, the smaller version of me.
During worship, I feel a little whisper from my long-term mentor and one of the most precious women on this planet say "Hey do you mind if I pray for you? I can't shake the feeling that I need to pray over you."
As the words became to pour out, she literally spoke directly to the deep down, dark places of my heart with words only a God of the universe could know would BLESS and encourage me to grasp freedom and walk in the steps that He has carefully laid out specifically for the tasks He has set for ME. Words about being free to play and be undeniably and unapologetically who God created me to be.
Worthy worthy worthy. We are worthy of walking in freedom and taking that first step. When we sit in darkness the path marked for our feet to walk sits untouched as do the people along the journey. So since God used someone to speak truth into my weary heart, let me be the one to tell you He cares deeply for your story too!
So rise up. It's time to let go and watch your ashes transform into BEAUTY.
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