MOTHERHOOD: NO FILTER

All the feels. Raw. Unfiltered.

Nights like tonight are nights I rather keep off the blog, you know nights where you snuggle a tiny little human in a tiny little bed while they are fast asleep because today, you blew it. If you're a mama of littles (bigs count too), you may catch my drift when I explain finding my mom guilt tank FULL and my capacity to keep my temper at bay LOW LOW...real real low.

So heres the silence breaker. I HAVE A TEMPER. Me? Temper? Before my sweet precious baby boys joined our crew, I was emotional--sure---and moody--yes---but I was about as passive as they get. Patient, gentle, and kind for the most part. But then friends, a toddler who consistently nibbles on sticks on butter, demands to get his own water which mostly ends up in a puddle on the floor, insists on practicing wrestling moves on his BABY bro, and sneaks dog food behind the kitchen table...still, enters on the scene and it's ON like donkey Kong.

If you're anything like me, when you lose your temper and yell at those sweet little buggers (for the millionth time that day...maybe even that hour) your heart sinks after it's all said and done. I say this not to air out the fact that I can be a pretty crappy mom at times, but instead to shine the light on the fact that we all mess up. And here's a truth bomb, that sweet baby that God strategically placed in your care (you know the one you can drive you absolutely bonkers) also has a divine and intrinsic ability to love and forgive you like no one else on this planet. No matter how flawed we may be, our children long for us to shepherd them to the best of our ability and model forgiveness. The thing about forgiveness though is we need to forgive ourselves, too. Mom guilt is so pre-Jesus era ;) Grace for you, grace for me, and grace for the little butter eater who goes by the name Carter Michael Motorcycle.

So as I kiss my little buddy on the forehead and head into bed, I am reminded that bad moments don't make bad mamas. It's time to take a good hard look at the balance of our crazy little life, get a few things back into place, and continue on the trek to love and teach and train these little men in the path they should go.

I can only hope that if you're caught in the trap of unleashed moments and a guilty conscious, that you would find peace in the fact that you are not alone. That we all fall and that His right hand is reaching for you in those moments where you are on the brink of breaking. You see, there's a reason why the Bible says to keep a tab on what we are feeding our minds because it quickly seeps into our hearts which even more quickly seeps out of our mouths and sometimes lands on those we love the most.

Maybe being quick to anger isn't the problem but instead a symptom. A symptom that suggests we aren't drinking from the right well. You know the one that is the ultimate thirst quencher? The one that never runs dry and never runs out even before dinner, no naps, ninteth meltdown of the day scenarios (not that I would know ;))

There's not much more than coffee that I want my cup "runnething" over with, but Lord bring on the Holy Spirit and teach me once again to harness love, joy, patience, peace, goodness, kindness, and self control.

Take a big gulp, friends! There's enough to go around :)