IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME

  

It's just not the same....and that's okay.

Tonight, I went out for a belated birthday dinner...like two whole weeks belated because well...mom life. I manged to sneak in a shower with no little people in the near vicinity which is a birthday miracle in itself. We laughed, and cried, and talked about the past and what our future families may look like. We talked about falling in love with our men and the first time we laid eyes on our little humans. After feeling relieved and rejuvenated, I got home and was quickly greeted by reality. You know the reality of a teething baby with a gnarly rash on his bottom who refused to go to sleep for daddy. And a daddy who was tapped out of his fatherly duties holding said baby in his arms. Oh yeah, and don't forget after a half hour of human pacifying the babe to sleep, and finding my way to bed in the dark, my foot found a pile of dog poop...and that was so not awesome. Oh hey reality, I didn't really miss you.

I think we as a society really miss the mark in portraying that marriage, and life for that matter, is messy. Like literally stepping in dog poop kind of messy.

Every now and then pictures will pop up on my feed of Mike and Mollie pre-baby era and you can literally see the genuine, pure, young love in our eyes. Pure affection. Puppy love. I love you no matter how many Iphones you shatter kind of love (Let's just be straight if I were to break my phone again these days I would be suckin' it up butter cup).

I would love to be able to say that we do date-night-ins frequently and spend our free time cuddling on the couch watching movies and spoon feeding each other our favorite Ben & Jerrys Ice Cream, but the reality of the situation is we have two Dateboxes (in home date night subscription) that we have yet to use. I mean do we get more lame than that? We don't even have to leave the house for that one and we can't manage to pull it off. Our sweet movie-nights-in end about 29 minutes in by either one of us falling asleep, or a little toddler named "I hate to sleep" sneaking on the couch asking a million questions about the meaning of life and everything in between. Did I mention most nights when we finally get to sleep, that same little toddler ninja crawls into our bed and proceeds to pee himself...now that's romance. Or my favorite date night is watching Dancing With The Stars with a nice glass of wine that gets knocked out of my hand after a little voice says "watch mama I do backflip." Needless to say, our love life looks a lot different than it once was and that's okay.

Here's the thing. There is no such thing as a time machine and we can't go back to when the grass looked greener. Lord knows, I would never ever ever ever want to experience life without our little dudes smack in the middle of it after being able to experience the fullness of their presence. Our life is full of tears. Full of tantrums. Full of tussles. But most importantly, it's full of love.

Maybe not the love that makes you do crazy things and causes your tummy to do backflips but the type of love that leads you to forgive your little one after spilling your wine while doing back flips...or something like that ;) Love lives here even though its dressed a little differently. Love looks like sacrifice. Love looks like waking up early to provide for your family. Love looks like rocking that teething baby way past the sleeping point just to sneak in some extra cuddles. Love looks like a little boy soothing his baby brother, patting him on the back telling him Jesus is in his heart. Love looks like forgiveness and do-overs. Love looks like spilled milk and losing daddy's things with good intentions of following in his footsteps...or maybe less good intentions of just trying to entertain for two seconds of peace and quiet. Love looks like tired kisses goodnight and being woken up by a smiley toddler who has already helped himself to the fridge before you've had your coffee. Love looks like cleaning a house over and over knowing the toys will find their way back to the floor. Love is doing thankless jobs with a joyful heart....actually just doing the job at all counts! Love is hidden sticky notes and coffee pick me ups. Love is knowing your family is fighting for you even when you feel all alone. Love is being committed to each other in every season of life and picking each other up when we fall. Love is now. Love is here. Love is so much more than a feeling, it is an action and I vow to continue to find joy, fulfillment, and love in the raw, unfiltered, messy parts of our life.

Yes, it's not the same. But boy, I wouldn't have it any other way.